The Hidden Tensions
Behind the Wedding Feast
——Decoding Ang Lee’s The Wedding Banquet for Cross-Cultural Families
Ang Lee’s The Wedding Banquet is not just a film—it’s a playbook. Through the story of Wai-Tung, Simon, and Wei-Wei’s “fake” wedding, the movie dissects how cultural norms, personal identity, and love intersect, offering actionable insights for couples and families seeking to bridge gaps between Eastern and Western worldviews.
The Wedding as a Cross-Cultural Battleground—Understanding the “Why” Behind Your Family’s Traditions
The wedding banquet in The Wedding Banquet is a powder keg of cultural tension. Wai-Tung, a gay Taiwanese man in New York, enters a sham marriage with Wei-Wei, a Chinese artist needing a green card, to appease his tradition-bound parents. His father’s booming toasts to “family legacy” and the mandatory rice wine rituals are rooted in Confucian ideals of filial piety and communal identity—values that prioritize the family unit over individual desires. In contrast, Wai-Tung and Simon’s relationship is shaped by Western notions of personal happiness and romantic autonomy.
Li Jialu’s analysis underscores: “For cross-cultural families, these clashes are not about right or wrong—they’re about uncovering the emotional and historical weight behind each tradition” . For you, this means looking beyond surface-level disagreements. If your partner’s family insists on a multi-day wedding ceremony, it’s not just about following rules—it’s about their need to honor ancestors and reinforce community ties. If you prefer a small, private ceremony, it’s not about being ungrateful—it’s about your cultural emphasis on individual choice and intimacy. The key is to ask probing questions: “What memories does this tradition bring up for you?” or “How does this ritual make you feel connected to your roots?”
By framing conversations around emotion and meaning, you turn conflicts into opportunities for empathy. Another layer of this tension lies in gender roles. The film’s wedding scene highlights how Chinese traditions often assign rigid roles to men and women—Wai-Tung as the “provider” and Wei-Wei as the “obedient bride.” In Western contexts, these roles are increasingly fluid. For cross-cultural couples, this can mean negotiating everything from who handles finances to how parenting duties are split. The solution isn’t to discard tradition, but to adapt it—perhaps by redefining “filial piety” to include emotional support as well as financial, or by creating new rituals that blend both partners’ cultural expectations. [A scene from The Wedding Banquet showing the chaotic wedding banquet, with Wai-Tung and Wei-Wei surrounded by guests.](Source: Miramax Films, 1993)
Identity in Cross-Cultural Families—How to Embrace “You” Without Losing “Them”
Wai-Tung’s internal conflict—balancing his identity as a “Chinese son” and a “gay American man”—is a central theme of the film, and it’s one many in transnational families will recognize. You might find yourself toggling between speaking your native language with your family and English with your partner, or celebrating Christmas with one side and Lunar New Year with the other.
Liu Yiting’s research points out: “In cross-cultural relationships, individuals often experience identity fragmentation—feeling like they’re never fully ‘enough’ for either culture” . The film offers a path forward through Wai-Tung’s journey. He doesn’t reject his Chinese heritage or his American identity—he integrates them. For example, he speaks Mandarin with his parents but English with Simon, and he participates in traditional wedding rituals while quietly acknowledging Simon as his true partner. For you, this integration might look like creating a hybrid holiday celebration—serving turkey at Thanksgiving with a side of dumplings, or decorating a Christmas tree with ornaments that reflect both your cultures. It’s about building a new identity that’s not “half-this, half-that,” but a whole that honors all parts of your heritage. Identity also intersects with parenting in cross-cultural families.
If you and your partner come from different backgrounds, you’ll likely have differing ideas about discipline, education, and even how to address grandparents. The film’s subplot about Wei-Wei’s pregnancy hints at this—Wai-Tung’s parents assume the child will be raised purely Chinese, while Simon envisions a more Western approach. The solution, as seen in the film’s nuanced portrayal, is to have open conversations early on about your parenting philosophies and find common ground. Maybe you’ll decide to teach your child both languages, or expose them to both sets of cultural traditions equally.
Silent Acceptance and Cultural Fusion—How Small Acts Build Lasting Bridges
The film’s final scene, where Wai-Tung’s father deliberately lies at customs to protect Simon, is a masterclass in subtle cultural acceptance. Wu Yuehan argues this moment “represents a shift from rigid tradition to flexible love—showing that cross-cultural understanding often happens not through grand gestures, but through quiet, intentional choices” . For cross-cultural families, this means looking for small ways to honor each other’s cultures daily, not just on special occasions.
Start with food—cooking a meal from your partner’s culture once a week, or learning to make their favorite childhood dish. Food is a universal language of love and memory, and sharing it can create instant connection. Then move to language—learning a few key phrases in your partner’s native tongue, or labeling household items in both languages for your kids. These acts signal, “Your culture matters to me.” Another powerful tool is storytelling. Share stories about your family’s traditions, the meaning behind holidays, or even the silly childhood memories tied to certain customs.
When Wai-Tung’s mother shares stories about his childhood with Simon, it’s not just chatter—it’s a bridge being built. For you, this could mean creating a “culture book” filled with photos, stories, and traditions from both sides of the family, or recording oral histories from grandparents to pass down to your kids. Fang Mingwei’s work on Ang Lee’s films notes that “true cultural fusion isn’t about erasing differences—it’s about creating something new that honors all perspectives” . In The Wedding Banquet, this fusion is seen in the unlikely family that emerges: Wai-Tung, Simon, Wei-Wei, and their baby. They don’t fit into any traditional mold, but they work because they’ve created their own rules. For your family, this might mean redefining what “family” looks like—whether that’s blending religions, celebrating hybrid holidays, or labeling household items in both languages for your kids. These acts signal, “Your culture matters to me.” Another powerful tool is storytelling. Share stories about your family’s traditions, the meaning behind holidays, or even the silly childhood memories tied to certain customs.
When Wai-Tung’s mother shares stories about his childhood with Simon, it’s not just chatter—it’s a bridge being built. For you, this could mean creating a “culture book” filled with photos, stories, and traditions from both sides of the family, or recording oral histories from grandparents to pass down to your kids. Fang Mingwei’s work on Ang Lee’s films notes that “true cultural fusion isn’t about erasing differences—it’s about creating something new that honors all perspectives” . In The Wedding Banquet, this fusion is seen in the unlikely family that emerges: Wai-Tung, Simon, Wei-Wei, and their baby. They don’t fit into any traditional mold, but they work because they’ve created their own rules. For your family, this might mean redefining what “family” looks like—whether that’s blending religions, celebrating hybrid holidays, or even choosing to live in a country that’s new to both of you.
Works Cited：
Li, Jialu. “A Cross-Cultural Interpretation of Ang Lee’s The Wedding Banquet.” [Journal Name]. [Publication Year], [DOI/Page Range].
Liu, Yiting. “An Analysis of Chinese and Western Cultural Differences—Taking the Film The Wedding Banquet as an Example.” [Journal Name]. [Publication Year], [DOI/Page Range].
Fang, Mingwei. “Conflict, Reconstruction and Fusion—From Ang Lee’s Film Pushing Hands...” [Journal Name]. [Publication Year], [DOI/Page Range].
Wu, Yuehan. “On the Conflict and Fusion of Chinese and Western Cultures in Ang Lee’s Films—An Analysis of The Wedding Banquet.” [Journal Name]. [Publication Year], [DOI/Page Range].
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